Why are u so mad? What has you so scared? Why do you concern yourself with the color of my skin or the way I use my body or the people I choose to love? Why does where I was born or the higher power of my understanding threaten you so? What happened to you? How did you forget who you are? How did you forget who I am? Who we are?
What happened to you to make you so scared and angry, sad and afraid, doubtful and ashamed? Why would you presume I want to hurt you? How is it that you came to think that by me following my heart and going after my dreams, that there would be less opportunity for you?
Did you learn that it is not ok to cry; that it makes you seem weak? Were you taught that feeling scared made you vulnerable and that it would bring bad, unwanted people and things your way? Did someone hurt you when you were little - violate your body, betray your trust, beat your dreams out of you, scare you into silence and stop you from believing that you are capable of greatness?
It pains me to hear this and I am so very very sorry if someone did that to you. No one should ever be told they can't be who they are, have what they hope for, or do what brings them joy. No one!
I understand how hard it is to break away from the anger you feel.
Denying who I was to fit in with the people around me was a hard habit to break, especially when I was surrounded by other people, just like me, who had a similar hurt, anger, sadness, & fear inside of them. I was surrounded by people who were behaving in the only way they knew how, because they never knew any other way. Like me, that is all they were taught. That is what THEY learned from THEIR experiences in life. And they never ventured to change it, even if it didn't feel authentic to them. I wonder if they knew they could; knew they had a choice all along?
But THEIR experiences were and are not mine. Why should I keep holding on to their anger, fear, shame, guilt, resentment, doubt, hurt? Was my life not valuable? Did they not go through all of what they did so that I could have a better life; a life with more opportunity and less of the same, horrific experiences of violence, hate and war than they had, and their parents, and grandparents before them?
I was not on the front lines of a war, burned in the concentration camps, forced to leave my home and everyone and everything I ever knew and loved. I was not exiled from my country, lost in a land where I could not speak the language, forced into slavery, prostitution, child marriage. I was not bullied, raped and tortured. BUT I feel in my cells the repercussions of ALL of those atrocities in the history of my, your and our ancestors. A grief so deep it hurts my heart & soul. But does that mean I should recreate them? Propagate them? Continue the tradition of suffering or causing suffering? Continue being angry and causing anger? Is continuing the hatred and violence the real answer to inner peace and outer peace?
My heart and my head say a definitive no.
All that they did, all that they went through was so that we could live. To give us the chance to thrive, not make the same mistakes. Our purpose is to make things better for all, not create more of the same.
Separation, hate, violence,...they are NOT the answer. Love, connection and compassionately understanding ourselves and others is the way. Our ancestors tried the former...how did that turn out? We must learn from their mistakes?
We cannot fix a problem with the same thinking that created the problem to begin with.
Yes, it can feels so scary and lonely to think & feel differently than the people we were told to "fit in with." Doesn't it? I didn't want to do things the way everyone else was or think the same old stale thoughts they had. But it felt so hard to shake. It meant I needed to be more courageous and summon up the strength to stand up against what I was taught to believe was true. I had to look deeper inside myself and trust what I was feeling, even if it was different. I had to surround myself with people who were not living in the old story of intolerance, anger and violence. I had to surround myself with people who were trying to forge a fresh new start. And I had to let go of my anger so I could learn how to love again and how to let love in.
Everything inside of me knows there is another way. Look inside yourself...don't you feel it too?
With love & light,
Your Divine Sister on this Human Journey.
